Monday, December 16, 2013

The 12 Days of Rare Exports

I heard about this film last year. I heard some good things about it. Will it live up to the hype or fall flat? Hit the jump and find out.

The film itself is a little darker than expected. I mean I expected something dark. But, holy shit. I never expected to see so many penises. I mean I never expected that Santa would be portrayed as a hungry troll. I thought it had something to do with aliens. No, Santa's a troll and he eats children and reindeer.


And there's a kid who's out to stop him. His mom's dead. I assume killed by wolves. His father is just as hard and cold as the snowy landscape of Finland. His friend is an asshole who is constantly teasing him. Then this poor kid finds out the truth about Santa. Oh my. I thought this was going to be a Goonies like adventure. But, it's more like the ending of E.T. on repeat if Elliot found out E.T. was actually a Xenomorph.

Poor Elliot.

On the upside. The acting is good and so is the cinematography. Finland's frozen landscape is gorgeous and inspiring. Despite how unexpectedly dark it is, the screenplay is well structured and the film is actually pretty creepy. Sadly, the film isn't that entertaining. The pace is kind of slow and the film starts with great intentions but it kind of stutters during the second act.

What makes it Christmasy?

Well, it has Santa. But, he eats children. There's reindeer. But, they're all dead.

Oh my.
There's snow.

Paul's final Rating: 7 out of 10

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