I would like to start off by saying I moved and haven't had internet at home. So, I haven't had time to write these three reviews separately. But, I have had time to watch three movies that are all horrible in different ways. Let's start with the worst one.
Mirror Mirror
...has the potential to be the best film here. But it stumble's to the bottom of the list. It's obvious they spent a lot of time on the costumes and the sets. Because those are beautiful. They spent a lot of time composing some really astonishing shots. But, where didn't they spend time? Writing a compelling screenplay. Not only is this film a snooze fest; it's a snooze fest with schlocky dialogue. This is a period piece and should not include a single whateva' or any sort of modern slang term. I understand it's a kid's film and the dialogue should be fun or understandable to kids. But, that's not a excuse. Look at Brave. Brave still had that great period dialogue and any kid could watch it and go "Yeah, I understand that. Even with the thick Scottish accent." The other major delima with the screenplay is that it's based on the beloved Grimm's fairy tale. So, how in the world you could end up with such a convoluted story?
The other place they didn't spend time was the directors chair. Tarsem Singh (The Cell and Immortals) is a constant disappointment as a director. He only delivers impressive visuals and yes that's important to film making. But, not story telling. Take a look at The Blair Witch Project not a single impressive visual the entire film. Hell most of the film is grainy shots of the forest floor. Yet, we are still compelled to watch because we are able to empathize with the terror the characters feel. On the other side here Tarsem has delivered this highly stylized film with no feeling to the shots. They are only composed to be the most beautiful and stunning shots. This film would be better if it was muted while some guy played really dramatic music on a piano and; I was able to boo, hiss, and throw rotten tomatoes at the screen when the villain did something bad. That's what it would take to make this a better film.
Okay next one!
Friends with Kids
...is a dramatic Seinfield episode that last 100 miniutes. It all starts with the Seinfeld-esque scheme of we can have kids with out being a couple, we can date other people, and still be friends in the end. So, have their cake and eat it too. It works out perfectly on paper when you're not thinking of emotions and that's where the drama begins!!! The concept itself is almost fresh and it passes for quite sometime. But, it quickly becomes the usual romcom with the usual beats involving jealousy as the characters begin to realize they actually love each other and it drives them crazy.
I can't talk about this film and not talk about the cast. It's wonderful. The true highlight of this film is Adam Scott (Parks and Recreation) who gets to work his dramatic chops. Which could be amazing someday. All he needs is a few more dramatic roles and he could be quite the dramatic actor. Even Kristen Wiig is able to drop her dead pan gum chewing bit and act. All be it oddly. She mostly storms out of rooms and acts aloof. There were some scenes I couldn't even tell it was Wiig in the role. Maya Rudolph and Chris O'Dowd (The IT Crowd) play the most hilarious couple in the film. This is also the first role in a American film where Chris O'Dowd is as hilarious as he was on The IT Crowd. Jennifer Westfeldt who also directed this film is the only actor who pulls off the whole range of emotions quite smoothly. Although, I don't recall seeing her in anything else; I do look forward to seeing in more films to come. Jon Hamm on the other hand is horribly misused. He's one of those actors that can play the whole range of emotions. But, he's left to play a characterless character. His only task is to be awkwardly angry at various points thorough out the picture. I presume, it's an attempt to confuse the audience until, the end of act two when he's actually useful.
All in all it's a good date film. It's quirky, funny, dramatic, and just a little too predictable. So, if you end up making out halfway though the picture you'll be able to tune back in easily when your jaw starts to hurt.
If you don't have a date and your internet is broken you can always watch... Piranha DD!
A flick with only two promises to keep; man eating fish and boobs...lots of boobs. Piranha DD keeps those promises to a perverse and a absurd level. If you follow me on twitter (@PVinCinemascope) you got some of the true highlights of the movie. The movie is meant to be one simple thing stupid. There are no complex themes, no twist, and no turns. It's fun and stupid and that's all it needs to be. And that's why it's the best of the pack. Because, it doesn't promise to be anything great or even amazing. It's just a S#!tty movie. I highly recommend it for those people who love to watch Demolition Man for a good laugh. My only wish is that I could watch it in 3DD as promised. Sadly, the world will never see it in 3DD because it's a straight to DVD Redbox Exclusive. As far as I know. Fingers crossed for that 3DD release.
So, you have two choices really. You could watch bird poop be spread onto Julia Roberts' face or piranha eggs being shot out of a cows anus. Either, way just remember if these films can get made then, surely there's money for your film too.
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